the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
