the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
