you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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