I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he fucked my hip out of place.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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