My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
