her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
