What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
