we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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