So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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