And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
