Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
