another moral hangover. fuck.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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