I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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