just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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