I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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