this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm too high and old for this...
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
