I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
