yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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