i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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