I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
