I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
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i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
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I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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