I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
