I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Too much gin, very little bucket
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
