Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She swung at the pinata with crutches
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
