Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Someone signed my nipple.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
