i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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