We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
