So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
