I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
