why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
And then he peed in my hair
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