you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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