My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
