Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize