Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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