Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He? As in you personified your dick?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
