i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
