I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
