Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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