I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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