Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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