I wannas sexs uuuuu
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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