why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
