I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
