GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
