Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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