My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
