I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize