We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
