I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
