NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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