Apparently you make a good broom.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
