Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I checked into jail on foursquare
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
