I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
