Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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