Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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