i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
