you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
