nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
