i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
