He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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