He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
