Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
