I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
