If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
